Downtown Luxury Slum

Ah, Bogotá. A city perched high in the Andes, where the air is as thin as a bad excuse and the streets are, depending on the neighborhood, either a tapestry of colonial charm or a confounding snarl of modernity. Some travel writers, who are likely overpaid and under-informed, will tell you simply to enjoy the culture, which is a phrase so vague it is almost entirely without meaning. Others will give you a list of attractions so long it would take a very determined person indeed to see them all.

This, however, is not a book, which is fortunate, as books tend to collect dust and harbor tiny, unpleasant insects. It is merely a helpful catalog of the very best things one might do in this captivating, chilly metropolis – things that, while they may not solve any particular mysteries, will certainly occupy a sunny afternoon or a cool, misty evening. Prepare yourself for an adventure.

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If this is your first stop in Colombia, read my 12 tips for planning a trip to Colombia.

Best Things to See and Do in Bogotá

• Ascend Monserrate: Monserrate is a mountain, which is, as a rule, a very tall and solid thing. Upon its summit rests a rather grand church, and to reach it, one must undertake an ascent. Whether you choose the funicular, the cable car, or, heaven forbid, your own two legs, you will find yourself moving quite a distance upward. From this elevated position, one is afforded a view of Bogotá that stretches out below like a vast, rumpled tapestry. It is a vista that confirms what you already suspected: the world is quite large, and you are not.

• Get lost in La Candelaria: La Candelaria is a neighborhood, an old and winding one, where the streets behave as if they have forgotten their original intentions and simply meandered into place. The houses are brightly colored, a choice that suggests a long-ago decision to eschew drabness, and the balconies jut out over the cobblestones with an air of mild curiosity. It is a place where one must pay attention to where one is going, lest one end up precisely where one did not intend to be.

• Have a coffee in Plaza de Bolívar: The Plaza de Bolívar is, fundamentally, a very large, flat, open space surrounded by several important-looking buildings. There is the Capitol, which is where laws are often discussed, and the Cathedral, which is where one might pause for contemplation. In the center stands a statue of a gentleman on a horse, a recurring theme in city planning. People congregate here for reasons both momentous and mundane, suggesting that a large, flat, open space remains a perennial favorite of the general public.

• Plan a heist at the Gold Museum: This museum is an establishment dedicated to displaying objects made of gold, which is a rare, shiny, and rather soft metal. The sheer volume of artifacts is what truly commands attention. One finds oneself in rooms filled with the gleaming evidence of ancient craftsmanship, a collection so extensive that it raises the philosophical question of how much gold is, in fact, too much gold. The lighting, naturally, is engineered to make everything shimmer.

• Laugh out loud at the Botero Museum: The Botero Museum is named for a specific artist, Fernando Botero, who had a clear, if unusual, penchant for depicting the world as rather voluminous. His subjects – people, fruits, musical instruments – are all rendered in a generously proportioned manner. To visit this museum is to engage with a world of charmingly plump forms, a singular artistic vision that one cannot help but notice is consistently applied.

• Get lost in history at the Museo Nacional de Colombia: The Museo Nacional is housed in a building that was, for a considerable time, a penitentiary. This transition – from a place designed for confinement to a place designed for cultural enlightenment – is a curious one. Inside, the exhibits cover the full breadth of the country’s history, art, and anthropology, allowing the visitor to peruse the past without any fear of being locked in for the night.
• Stand in awe of Santuario Nuestra Señora del Carmen: This sanctuary is a church notable for its very particular design. The exterior is striped with alternating bands of white and a deep red, an architectural choice that is, shall we say, difficult to overlook. It stands out amid its surroundings, a testament to the idea that even religious structures can benefit from a bold, sartorial flair.

• Try to find a bargain at Usaquén Flea Market: A flea market, by definition, is a place where a great many items, some of them necessary and some of them entirely superfluous, are arranged on tables and blankets for the purpose of commerce. The one in Usaquén is set up on Sundays, providing an opportunity for people to stroll, peruse, and purchase things they hadn’t known they needed until the very moment they saw them.
• Stroll through Jardín Botánico de Bogotá José Celestino Mutis: A botanical garden is a cultivated space for the organized display of plants. This particular garden showcases the flora of Colombia, a country known for its rather impressive variety of green things. One may walk through distinct environments, observing plants that are either very tall, very small, very prickly, or very smooth, all neatly labeled for the benefit of the curious.

• See a performance at Teatro Colón Bogotá: This is a grand theater, a building dedicated to the performance of the various arts – music, drama, and dance. It is designed to be impressive, with elaborate seating and a stage where people stand and project their voices or their movements to an appreciative audience. Such buildings exist so that people may leave their own lives for a few hours and observe the often more complicated lives presented by actors.

• Try fruit you’ve never seen before at Paloquemao Fruit Market: A market devoted to fruit is a riot of colors and scents, a place where the products of the earth are stacked in bewildering abundance. Here, one encounters fruits that are familiar and fruits that are entirely new, their names often being pronounced with a speed that makes immediate comprehension quite difficult. It is a sensory experience that confirms that nature, for all its occasional unkindness, can be exceptionally inventive with its edible offerings.

• Get breakfast at La Puerta Falsa Restaurant: La Puerta Falsa is an establishment that has been serving hot chocolate and certain sweet, traditional foods for a very long time. Its popularity is such that one often finds a line extending out the door, which is a clear indication that a small space serving rich, traditional items is a recipe for communal patience. It is a place where people go specifically to consume, and often, to wait.

• Have a fancy dinner in Zona G: The Zona G is a geographical designation applied to a district known for its concentration of restaurants, often of a rather refined nature. The ‘G’ stands for Gastronomy, which is the art and practice of eating and preparing good food. To visit this area is to commit to a pursuit of excellent dining, a quest requiring both an appetite and, typically, a moderately full wallet.

And so, you have reached the end of this catalog of potential diversions. I can only hope that, as you find yourself enjoying the best things Bogotá has to offer, you do so with the proper appreciation. If you’re looking for more, here’s everything I’ve written about Bogotá and Colombia.